To Eternity

To dear John Lennon:

I like to listen to your music
Everyday
"Imagine"

And I like to sing your song
Everytime
That I feel tired
Or when I want to relax
Or maybe when I like to cry
"Imagine"

But dear John Lennon,

when I step out of my dreams
I get shocked by my before
My hands start to shiver
And I start to panic
My chest begin to ache
And I feel so scared
That it makes my tears fall

Because I live in this world
That I can't run away from
That I can't fight back
And I have to accept it as it is
But in the end I feel like "How?!"

Because I live in this world
Where I see a child dying of hunger
And a child who never felt the way to be loved
Where I see people dying for no reason in a war
And crimes happen because of poverty and lack of love
Even though that I still see those people
Who are happy despite of being Indigent
And who to be indfferent to see it all?
Who to not get hurt, to not cry?

Becasue I live in this world
Where I should worry about my future
About how I will be employed
Or how I will be fired after all
For I need money to a part of this life
No matter if I deny it or not

Because I live in this world
Where I need to be accepted
With titles like:
"Honorable, Capable, Suitable, Qualified"
Or documents that are treasures
Talking about my abilities
That can make the leaders satisfy
In order to be able to survive

Because I live in this world
Where I like its skies
Where I like its nature and its beings
Where I like to sit and watch the sun setting
In a peaceful shore with my dear ones
Where I like to think about only grace and love

So I listen to your music
Everyday
"Imagine"

And I sing your song
Everytime
That I feel tired
Or when I want to relax
Or maybe when I like to cry
"Imagine"

And one day
It may come true
Just the way you wished
Just the way you wanted to
"Imagine"

I was passing those streets
Shadows of art misleading were chasing me

"Impossible"
I was yearning for my brushes
For my dearest only color
My Black Ink
But I was falling
I was crawling

Sneers I could hear
They were yelling at me
"You're an art thief"
They threw chains around my throat
Could I ever breath again..?

They were shouting at me
"You,
The art thief,
You shall pay,
With your blood
No mercy from now on"

I was yearning for my brushes
For my Black Ink
For colors I've never owned
For imaginaries I wished to borrow
From the scenes on the road

"Impossible"
I only needed some colors I've never owned
I only needed some frames
To put my name beneath the wood
Things I've never had
Things I've never robbed
I only admired what in my pocket
That I've never had
That I've never robbed

But who to believe
They didn't hear a single tear
They made me pay with my life
A ruined corpse on the ground

The blackness of the sin
The redness of the blood
They painted all the divisions on the wall
With my broken brushes
With my dearest Black Ink
With my Blood
With my Blood

Yes I heard them
When they called me a fool
Mocking me behind my back
Well, they judged me by my look
How can I mind..?
They never knew me though
The real me is being sealed
To those with no inner sight

I've got used to this world
This world full of judgements
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
They give you rates
They find you titles
Give you ranks
And put a mark on your face

Then the moment you catch their hands
They wear a mask
And hide their true identity
Even though they can hardly hide
That fear in their eyes
But "Why" you may ask..?

Because they're afraid
Afraid of being judged
Afraid of being judged

"Still not good enough"
I was told so
The next time I try
Is also the same into those eyes
That I am useless to this life
Maybe it's right that I am an error
Should have never been here
I am alone as ever
Cold and shattered
But there's something still hided there
That I don't give up easily
Cause I'm not the one to die kneeling
Even with knowing this painful fact
That it's a long time
I'm resting in this coffin
Cold and shattered
Remembering I was told
"Still not good enough"

When I leave here
You understand how lonely I was
Unwanted footprints
Cause I knew it the demon game
But it wasn't my dignity to play it
So with all the pain I carry
I'm not the demon player
My unwanted foorprints
They remain there
When I leave here

Slowly
.
.
.
Doubts
.
.
.
Tears
.
.
.
Sighs
.
.
.
Doubts
.
.
.
Tears
.
.
.
Memories
.
.
.
Pains
.
.
.
Tears
.
.
.
Pains
.
.
.
Pains
.
.
.
Pains
.
.
.
Tears
.
.
.
Numbness
.
.
.
Silence
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Suicide

He knows the heart of each of us
There's no way to hide..
And he knows what he has given us
Part of him
What more beautiful than that..
But sometimes we forget
That he's always there
Just ask for his kindness
Ask for his care
Ask for his love
For his power above all
And you find him
So close
That you would cry..
Just call him with your heart..
Your pure heart..

Tonight
Everything is prepared
Chocolate
Wine
Red Roses
There's no light but the fireplace
I'm sitting on a rug
Thinking of her
If she's safe
The one on her mind
Close to her heart
If she needs someone
If she needs me

I'm sitting here alone
By the fire
With not knowing the reason
Why she would never come
And I still love her

With tonight
Everything is prepared
Chocolate
Wine
And Red Roses

Today
It was just today
Under the sky

With a shadow beside
Someone
Who was shaded in the dark
I was talking to
Not a clear face
But the eyes
Those glowing eyes
They were sharp and kind
Gazing at me all the time
Yes it was so dark
But so peaceful and calm
Under the sky

And I sang some little songs
And he kept listening
All the time
So patient
So warm
He gazed and listened
All the time
Even when I was silent
Silent and somehow shy
But he gave smiles in return

We lied on the ground
Watching the stars
We also made some little wishes
Under the sky

I could see the shape of his body
In the shadows of the gleam lights
The way he was watching the sky
With those mysterious eyes
And his vague smile

I was starred at him
Like how you daze at a glow
Like I was dreaming
A beautiful scene

While I was dreaming
I felt a cherrish breeze
And also some warm breaths
I could see the stream in the dark
It was so close yet so calm
While I had got too excited inside

And a moment
I felt a soft heat
On my lips
And a flow of warm thrills
It had continued
As his hands
Approached my face

My body was so warm
Yet protected and safe
And my eyes
They were so excited
Yet filled with tears
Starring right through his eyes
His glorious eyes
Smiling at me
With a flaming shine

And then I was embraced
With his kindness
His protecting arms
His calm and steady side

And shadows disapeared
Little by little
And I could see his face
More clear
And more pure
Without no fear

And it was him
Just as I knew
Graceful and kind
Under the sky

Under the sky

Aloneness
I feel all the way
All the way
To a painful aloneness

It's fall again
Do you see the leaves?
Do you see them falling?
The wind blows tough
And the thunder
It's raining

Ah it's cold
Where are you?
I'm calling you
Can't you hear?

My hands
They are reached for you
Can't you see?
Where are you?

Ah my heart
It's weak
It's thirsty
To be embraced
To be loved
Can't you see?

Look through my eyes
Have they ever lied to you?
Can't you just not hide?
Can't you just not deny?

Please understand
It's you
And only you
Who is needed
Who is called
All the way
Through the pain
Through the joy
For your side
For your care

But tell me
Just tell me
Where are you?
Where are you?

Ah it's cold